The easy assumption that both The Guardian and Relate make when faced with men who have lost interest in sex have a medical or psychological problem seems to be to be forcing people into a mould of “normality” that is just as bad as Victorian behaviour that we would now find appalling.

The problem is, apparently, that many men have apparently lost their libidos. They have no physical problems — they are simply not interested. This is apparently a “psychosexual dysfunction”.

There is a real problem. These are married men, whose wives are, unsurprisingly enough, not happy about the situation.

In Victorian times, it is highly unlikely that the men would have been regarded as abnormal for wanting too little sex. On the other hand, it is very likely that the women would have been regarded as needing treatment for wanting too much.

The modern attitude seems to simply reverse the Victorian one. It still involves the imposition of an idea of normality, with those who do not conform to it classified as abnormal or diseased. It is not enough to simply say that they are abnormal because they differ from the majority — it is inconsistent unless you are prepared to apply the same principle to every sexual minority, a view which I very much doubt the Guardian, of all papers, would be willing to give space to.

You might ask why I think it matters, given that I have agreed that they (assuming the scenario in the linked article of an unhappy spouse) have a problem that needs to be solved. There are several reasons. Firstly, it lays blame, whereas I think it tells us no more than “some couples become sexually incompatible as they become older”. Secondly, it may distort solutions, as it rules out solution by compromise or change on the part of both spouses. Finally, it medicalises the situation, making a disease out a problem.

It also appears likely that the likes of Relate will push some form of therapy as the solution. The last paragraph of the article implicitly acknowledges that the most likely underlying cause is long and stressful hours of work. The right solution would be to reverse this deleterious change in lifestyles, not to use therapy as a patch on wounded lives. This is, of course, part of a much wider social problem.